I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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