I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
