some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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