I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
