last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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