The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
