Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
