The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
