Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
