oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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