sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
