She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
