i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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