I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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