note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
