meet me or not, i'm out of control
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
