Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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