considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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