He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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