super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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