Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
