I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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