I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize