no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
