does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
