I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
