It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
