He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
