There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
