I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
high people should be assigned attendants
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize