fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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