If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
