I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
