If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
