you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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