it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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