Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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