We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
