At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
