I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
