I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
