Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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