I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
