chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
