I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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