I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
