I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
