She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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