Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize