so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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