I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
