and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
