he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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