did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize