at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
50% drunk capacity currently
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
