I feel like abortions should bother me more
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
