The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
