I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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