she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just invented taco cereal.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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