So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
