I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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