"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
