Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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