He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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