In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
