I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
