So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
