I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize