I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
