She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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