Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
