My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
