we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
