Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My day in three words: secret purse cake
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
