Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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