At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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